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[kovach]

// kovacs

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

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[kovach]

yeah luckily i never lost that
but sure as hell don't want to deal with a tail again
all the bodies i've been in
never had a tail

that something you time lords ever do
or you always looking like people?

[lateness]

hah! people always look like us

but no in all my lives i've never turned into a sort of fish before

or anything other than time lord

you did get off a bit luckier than i did, eh? never take your fingers for granted, kovacs!

[kovach]

if you call it lucky

never did really figure out how i was supposed to sleep either
thing had a mind of its own
always kept flapping around

if it wasn't mine, it was marta's smacking me in the face

[lateness]

[ lol ]

tails do get a bit complicated when they're smacking about don't they?

well i certainly hope that'll be the last of it

no more fish forms

and no more underwater breathing

i can't stop filling my lungs!

[kovach]

you're not just roaming up and down the halls deeply inhaling are you

[ don't be a weirdo, doc. ]

[lateness]

[ ...................... nO



(yes.) ]

and why wouldn't i?

[kovach]

because you can breathe in one spot
and normally

and you keep doing that, you'll take all the clean air with you

[lateness]

hah!

but every spot's a different sort of air

there's flavour!

but i suppose you're right i ought to save some of it for the rest of the crew

now! what are you up to?

[kovach]

[ flavor ..... only the doctor would say something as ridiculous as that in such a joyful way.

as for what he's doing — ]

breathing

[ still ever the little shit. but it's a lot easier to say than admitting to his journaling. ]

[lateness]

oh, funny aren't you?

well when you're done breathing there you can join me breathing here

actually i wanted to ask you something

[kovach]

[ he's hilarious. ]

i would but i hear you're hogging it all to yourself

what do you need

[lateness]

i've stopped!

well not stopped i do have to breathe

but! but i'm being a little more mindful of the air

now




you ... wouldn't happen to have spoken with me have you? the other me, the less fashionable me with the cross eyebrows

[kovach]

[ actually, now that he thinks about it. ]

don't actually think i've seen him around since we've been back

[lateness]

ah

i was afraid of that

[kovach]

[ wait— ]

did he not make it back?

[lateness]

i think he might've left

back to his timeline

[kovach]

[ he'd been cautious about this. what happened with quell centuries past, what happened with clara just months ago — kovacs had learned the dangers of trying to grasp onto something concrete, something that could make his heart swell with the feeling of being wanted, of being worth more than the disposable life he often believed himself to be.

but she isn't quell, dedicated to something overwhelmingly bigger than herself, a seed of revolution, and a symbol molded to restore the cracks spreading across humanity. she isn't clara, a fleeting dream describing the limitless stretches of space, always craving more and never knowing stillness.

marta is something else, something he hadn't even known to exist. when quell talks of hope, it's about the chase. when clara talks of hope, it's about the fantasy. when marta talks of hopes, it's —

it's real. she isn't coating truth. she's earnest. she wants to believe it, chooses to. and kovacs? he wants to be in it with her.

the chance is already here.

he's seen her face a hundred times, but he looks at her like he needs to learn it all over again, like what he sees is new, because in some parts, it is. not because he's forgotten (he knows the chance of that is there, but he won't let it hold him back, not anymore), but because he it's the first time, in a long time, he's letting himself have it.

we take what is offered, quell had taught him. but for the first time, he's really doing it.

slowly, he leans in, a brush of his nose caressing the tip of hers, carefully as he lingers in that position, eyes closing. for a moment, he simply breathes her in, fingers resting at her neck, calloused tips curling soft to her skin.

then his lips meet hers, almost tentative but without doubt, a promise that he isn't going to resist her, not anymore, his mouth firm with a kiss that welcomes her past the doors he'd tried to keep shut. ]

Text. | before he smacks u with a shovel obviously

[groupiedrifter]

[Guess who hands two thumbs and just drank a few beers in the quiet of his newly acquired mission-based townhome? Thiiiis guyyyy. He'd held his tongue for a while, but. But. Yanno. Late nights alone with a little liquor makes you talk.

... As if he even needed that push.]

You stopped him, didn't you?
I know you were keeping an eye on me when I was in that magic coma
When I was still infected.

[He's vague, because on the very, very off chance he was wrong...

But he's pretty fucking sure he's got the pieces put together.]

[kovach]

[ the text is a surprise since kovacs just figured if newt didn't know what had happened by now, he might not find out about it. he briefly wonders how, if clara or alina or even marta had fessed something up to him, since the thought of kirigan actually admitting to what he did hardly seems likely. but then he realizes it probably doesn't matter.

still, being asked the way he is means that his role in all of this wasn't part of whatever was shared. but newt has enough to figure it out. it probably also doesn't hide it much that he and kirigan parted ways in sharing a room right when the incident happened. ]

yeah I did.

[ no point in keeping it a secret anymore. ]

[groupiedrifter]

[He sighs softly, and takes a moment to respond.

Lot to think about. A hell of a lot.]

Thanks, man.
I thanked you before, but I obviously didn't thank you enough.
You did more than I thought and
I mean, you shouldn't have had to do to that, and you did, so.

Why didn't you tell me?

[kovach]

[ kovacs' immediate thought is "of course I had to" though he resists enough not to say exactly that, always hesitant to voice too much in the way of emotions. because technically he didn't, and if he'd listened to himself a year ago, he'd never had let himself get so attached to people here and whether newt lived or died wouldn't have mattered to him one way or another.

but it does matter. newt matters. ]

because I knew you wouldn't have been as pissed off about it as you should've been.

[ as pissed off as he was. ]

because you'd blame yourself.
maybe even say some shit like how you deserve it or something.

I said I'd keep you safe so I did.
keeping him away from you was my job.
you just needed to focus on getting better.

[kovach]

[ shit.

he knows people have left. he just never imagined the doctor would. either of them. ]

by choice?

[groupiedrifter]

I mean

It wasn't the craziest leap, is all.
Something wearing my face had hurt everyone.
Understandable knee jerk reaction, wanting to throttle me!

Pretty sure you wanna throttle me all the time, too.

[is my joke masking the fact that i'm reaffirming your assessment of my guiltiness]

[lateness]

i haven't the foggiest

maybe

or maybe it was too good a thing to be true having two doctors on board at the same time

[ A lil joke because c': the alternate option is to be extremely upset, maybe throw a little tantrum. As a treat. ]

[kovach]

I do but that's different

[ it's a more affectionate kind of throttling in his case. ]

but whether you think he'd have been justified or not
it doesn't change the fact that it was impulsive action.
that kind of thinking's not gonna help anyone on this team.

not with how many times our emotions are used against us on these missions.