[ his concern isn't actually about the weapons, not when he comes barely stocked enough for that, but he does remember that conversation being one of their initial ones, back before her entire demeanor had changed, when whatever went on between them — the flirting and the playfulness — all seemed harmless. being where they are now, that conversation feels a thousand years away. ]
I told you. I'm last priority. Save that stuff for someone who actually needs it.
[She pauses, unsure if he'll allow her or even want her to call him that anymore. It comes out naturally, her pleading with him to let her do this. she's almost desperate to do something, any little thing she can to try and make sure he's taken care of. even if he stubbornly insists he doesn't need it.]
I'm leaving two. Give one to Marta. But please, for me, at least consider hanging onto the other for yourself.
[ even just hearing her use his name like that, it takes him back to the way they used to be, to something almost normal and familiar, even if they haven't been like that in some time, even if he'd spent the last month just getting used to what life is like without clara around, despite how often she'd still ended up on his mind anyway.
but he can hear the desperation in her voice, and he knows this is probably about more than just him, that it's just clara just doing what she does, the way she looks out for anyone. he could keep denying her and she wouldn't stop insisting, because he knows her stubbornness. ]
I can ... hold on to it. [ it's the best he can do, probably. and he doesn't even think about why she'd leave him with one for marta, even if the logical explanation is likely just related to their shared gig here in town. ] I'll save it for a pinch. Or if someone else ends up needing it.
[There's an exhale the second he says he'll hold onto it. That's going to have to be enough. He doesn't lie to her and say he'll use it, and she's grateful for that. But if he holds onto it and he winds up needing food, it'll at least be there.]
If we manage to make it back, I'm going to make sure everyone has an individualized kit before the next mission.
[if nothing else, this whole thing has put her back on top of her game. she had been distracted for a while and slipped up. and she's going to be guilty about that for a long time. but she can't feel personally responsible for every orber starving out here. she has to push through that guilt and make sure everyone she cares about will be alright for as long as possible.]
So don't worry if you have to give it away.
[It's permission to do it, even though he doesn't need it.]
And I -
[she hesitates, realizing telling him this next part probably isn't a great idea.]
I'm going to look into getting my hands on some of the snakes that were mentioned. See if I can't come up with something everyone is able to eat.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I told you. I'm last priority. Save that stuff for someone who actually needs it.
no subject
[She pauses, unsure if he'll allow her or even want her to call him that anymore. It comes out naturally, her pleading with him to let her do this. she's almost desperate to do something, any little thing she can to try and make sure he's taken care of. even if he stubbornly insists he doesn't need it.]
I'm leaving two. Give one to Marta. But please, for me, at least consider hanging onto the other for yourself.
no subject
but he can hear the desperation in her voice, and he knows this is probably about more than just him, that it's just clara just doing what she does, the way she looks out for anyone. he could keep denying her and she wouldn't stop insisting, because he knows her stubbornness. ]
I can ... hold on to it. [ it's the best he can do, probably. and he doesn't even think about why she'd leave him with one for marta, even if the logical explanation is likely just related to their shared gig here in town. ] I'll save it for a pinch. Or if someone else ends up needing it.
no subject
If we manage to make it back, I'm going to make sure everyone has an individualized kit before the next mission.
[if nothing else, this whole thing has put her back on top of her game. she had been distracted for a while and slipped up. and she's going to be guilty about that for a long time. but she can't feel personally responsible for every orber starving out here. she has to push through that guilt and make sure everyone she cares about will be alright for as long as possible.]
So don't worry if you have to give it away.
[It's permission to do it, even though he doesn't need it.]
And I -
[she hesitates, realizing telling him this next part probably isn't a great idea.]
I'm going to look into getting my hands on some of the snakes that were mentioned. See if I can't come up with something everyone is able to eat.
[She's sure everything will be just fine]