[ is she folding her cards? she doesn't know. she's twenty minutes into mulling over their mission file and twice already she's had to duck into the bathroom as a wave of anxious nausea threatens to make her lose her lunch. ]
I won't be very good for this mission. I'm sure I'll just be a liability.
[ he'd known she seemed nervous about the whole thing, but he's seen enough hints of a subtle assertiveness that seemed convincing enough that she'd be able to keep from crumbling on a mission. he's surprised to see the doubt come blaring out so soon after even getting the file. ]
hey - you don't need to be gun slinging or charging all over the place to be good at a mission. i told you, you're a good nurse. skills like that'll come in handy. you got plenty to contribute.
[ he ... tries to consider that, to trace back to the number of conversations they've had, to a point where marta would have easily lied, even if just from some sarcastic joke — and he realizes that he can't say she ever has, not in any way that he'd be able to tell, and with her nerves, he knows he'd be able to pick up on it easily if she did.
though he wouldn't have thought it'd be as easy as noting it by her just suddenly throwing up. ]
any lie? even a joke? even just changing a single detail? no undercover whatsoever?
[ he's got plenty of questions to this, most that he'd be more curious to learn in person since attention to people is what's always provided the best answers. but right now, she's concerned about the mission, and possibly for good reason.
almost nothing comes without a lie. everyone lies, and his methods of survival have always revolved around that very fact.
he ponders it for a minute before, ]
you'll be alright.
[ maybe a premature assumption, but he likes to think he's good with a plan. ]
you can stick with me.
there are ways to get by without lying. and in the scenarios where you can't, i'll cover for you.
[ it's like a slap on the wrist, honestly, it's the wake up call she needs. she has no doubt he could find more than enough capable people to patch him up should he need it but... it's not helping anyone (not her, not harlan) to refuse such help. ]
Already anticipating getting hurt? You don't believe in jinxing yourself, do you.
i'm still breathing, right? so, yeah, 10 out of 10 chance i'll get into some kind of fight at some point.
[ is it really jinxing himself if he already knows the pattern? ]
i was already figuring i could try some official investigative work out there. practically the kind of stuff i've been doing anyway. use it under the guise of luring out some local criminals while looking for the orb. wouldn't actually be a lie, so if you help me with that, you could go around asking more questions than you'd need to answer.
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text | un: m. cabrera
Has anyone ever refused to go on a mission before?
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why? folding your cards already?
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[ is she folding her cards? she doesn't know. she's twenty minutes into mulling over their mission file and twice already she's had to duck into the bathroom as a wave of anxious nausea threatens to make her lose her lunch. ]
I won't be very good for this mission. I'm sure I'll just be a liability.
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hey - you don't need to be gun slinging or charging all over the place to be good at a mission. i told you, you're a good nurse. skills like that'll come in handy. you got plenty to contribute.
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[ god how she wishes it could be though. how she'd give anything if it were simply a matter of confidence. ]
See I
I have a
A condition...
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what condition?
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Not without some side effects.
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I puke. Okay? Even just the thought of lying makes me want to puke. Always has.
[ she can imagine him laughing. scoffing, rolling his eyes. like everyone does when they hear. ]
So you can imagine how inconvenient that might be for a mission about blending in.
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though he wouldn't have thought it'd be as easy as noting it by her just suddenly throwing up. ]
any lie? even a joke? even just changing a single detail? no undercover whatsoever?
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I know it sounds crazy, but dishonesty has always made me anxious. And when I'm anxious enough...
What am I supposed to do with that?
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almost nothing comes without a lie. everyone lies, and his methods of survival have always revolved around that very fact.
he ponders it for a minute before, ]
you'll be alright.
[ maybe a premature assumption, but he likes to think he's good with a plan. ]
you can stick with me.
there are ways to get by without lying. and in the scenarios where you can't, i'll cover for you.
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I'm sorry.
I wasn't trying to dump this on you. It's my problem, not yours.
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[ figures she's going to worry about it just like she's worrying about everything else. ]
this isn't a favor. i help you, you help me. who else is gonna be stitching up my ass when i get it beat out there?
i'm gonna need you.
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Already anticipating getting hurt? You don't believe in jinxing yourself, do you.
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[ is it really jinxing himself if he already knows the pattern? ]
i was already figuring i could try some official investigative work out there. practically the kind of stuff i've been doing anyway. use it under the guise of luring out some local criminals while looking for the orb. wouldn't actually be a lie, so if you help me with that, you could go around asking more questions than you'd need to answer.
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That's a good point... I'd probably do a lot better if the focus wasn't on me.
...Thank you, Kovacs. I feel a lot better.
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don't sweat it.
you'll be fine. just worry about getting your good leather pants together, pack up some bandages, and i'll take care of the rest.
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Right. It'll be fine.
[ at the very least, she won't be alone. and that is, perhaps, the biggest shock of all. ]