[ when he first met her, marta was modest, quiet, and always looking ready to hide into the nearest crawl space to just stay out of the way. teach me, she'd asked him once, to be tougher, to speak out for herself, like she somehow needed him to show her how. except she never did, moving on her own in all those times that she raised her voice at him, blurting out a series of swears in spanish which he only assume were some flowery words aimed in his direction, holding no restraint in putting him in his place when he tried to call the shots.
she does the same here, her voice only partially quiet like she's remaining aware of how loud she is in a public space, but he can hear the sharpness in her voice, the kind he hears when he knows she isn't backing down on what she thinks and making sure he knows it.
even more of the message comes across when she uses his full name like she's somehow reminding him of who he is, all at once.
friends — it's not a word he uses often, not because he doesn't believe in it, but because he tries to resist getting too cozy with it, always prepared to lose those that earn the label. he knows he has friends here, knowing that in the endless hours they spent side by side, familiarizing themselves with each other, marta became the best of them. it doesn't make him feel any less guilty. ]
I lied to you. [ he shakes his head, pulling that out like it's one of the things that's bothering him most in this confession, like it matters more than the fact that he changed his deal or that he's losing his memories, that this is where it's all gone wrong. ] I didn't tell you what was happening to me and you — you almost died for me, Marta.
[ and there it is, the crack in his attempt to speak calmly, distraught in his eyes as he leans forward towards her, using his own finger now to point at himself, like hers wasn't enough, his voice raising slightly. ]
My fate's been sealed and you still risked yourself for me. After everything else, I can't go on losing you too! I —
[ it's more than he means to say. biting his tongue, he falls silent for a moment, straightening up and collecting himself before speaking up again, a little more quietly. ]
You once told me you'd hold on to hope in my place. But if it also means you get hurt in my place too, I ... I can't let you do that for me. Please.
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she does the same here, her voice only partially quiet like she's remaining aware of how loud she is in a public space, but he can hear the sharpness in her voice, the kind he hears when he knows she isn't backing down on what she thinks and making sure he knows it.
even more of the message comes across when she uses his full name like she's somehow reminding him of who he is, all at once.
friends — it's not a word he uses often, not because he doesn't believe in it, but because he tries to resist getting too cozy with it, always prepared to lose those that earn the label. he knows he has friends here, knowing that in the endless hours they spent side by side, familiarizing themselves with each other, marta became the best of them. it doesn't make him feel any less guilty. ]
I lied to you. [ he shakes his head, pulling that out like it's one of the things that's bothering him most in this confession, like it matters more than the fact that he changed his deal or that he's losing his memories, that this is where it's all gone wrong. ] I didn't tell you what was happening to me and you — you almost died for me, Marta.
[ and there it is, the crack in his attempt to speak calmly, distraught in his eyes as he leans forward towards her, using his own finger now to point at himself, like hers wasn't enough, his voice raising slightly. ]
My fate's been sealed and you still risked yourself for me. After everything else, I can't go on losing you too! I —
[ it's more than he means to say. biting his tongue, he falls silent for a moment, straightening up and collecting himself before speaking up again, a little more quietly. ]
You once told me you'd hold on to hope in my place. But if it also means you get hurt in my place too, I ... I can't let you do that for me. Please.