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[ everything he says carries more than what's said, admitting to something even more than he had originally planned on, now that she's prodded at the man who tried to bare it all to her in mere doses, in a simplified version that confesses the truth without leaving it too stripped to be perceived as more than he'd want it to be.
but marta has the tactics for scratching and digging out more. with her, it's never about living in a fantasy, in dodging the truth for something prettier; she cuts him raw with every word, and in the past few months, it's forced him to turn and face exactly what he's been running from, from the memories he's losing, from the choice he's made to discard his own life entirely. she never even had to know the truth for her to point him in that direction.
and even now as he paints her the harshness of what could ultimately happen, what prevents him from wanting to give too much of himself away, she doesn't pretend otherwise.
for him, hope was always the idea of a joke, of wishing for something that can't exist. in marta's world, it's peeling back the dirty layers of the real world to find the little spaces in between of everything broken and taking hold of what's not.
he watches her move away and return with that pen in her hand, brows knitting with confusion at the move until she spells it a bit more clearly, his expression soon softening with the realization of what she's suggesting. ]
It's not going to be up to me.
[ it's a minor attempt to keep fighting, albeit a weaker one as his shoulders slouch, watching her eyes with an attentive, understanding stare. because she's not wrong. there's still a way for him to hold on, even if he doesn't want to rely on it. ]
Are you ... sure you still want to be a part of it?
[ a part of his story. the one with the ending not yet written. ]
but marta has the tactics for scratching and digging out more. with her, it's never about living in a fantasy, in dodging the truth for something prettier; she cuts him raw with every word, and in the past few months, it's forced him to turn and face exactly what he's been running from, from the memories he's losing, from the choice he's made to discard his own life entirely. she never even had to know the truth for her to point him in that direction.
and even now as he paints her the harshness of what could ultimately happen, what prevents him from wanting to give too much of himself away, she doesn't pretend otherwise.
for him, hope was always the idea of a joke, of wishing for something that can't exist. in marta's world, it's peeling back the dirty layers of the real world to find the little spaces in between of everything broken and taking hold of what's not.
he watches her move away and return with that pen in her hand, brows knitting with confusion at the move until she spells it a bit more clearly, his expression soon softening with the realization of what she's suggesting. ]
It's not going to be up to me.
[ it's a minor attempt to keep fighting, albeit a weaker one as his shoulders slouch, watching her eyes with an attentive, understanding stare. because she's not wrong. there's still a way for him to hold on, even if he doesn't want to rely on it. ]
Are you ... sure you still want to be a part of it?
[ a part of his story. the one with the ending not yet written. ]
Edited 2022-03-10 05:04 (UTC)
fair enough.
[ well, he'd be the first to acknowledge that he definitely does come of missions looking like shit. he's got andy's penchant for trouble without all the benefits of coming out of it clean. ]
yeah, turns out there's a hell of a lot of those who don't want to get their hands dirty.
might actually be holding some of us back.
[ well, he'd be the first to acknowledge that he definitely does come of missions looking like shit. he's got andy's penchant for trouble without all the benefits of coming out of it clean. ]
yeah, turns out there's a hell of a lot of those who don't want to get their hands dirty.
might actually be holding some of us back.
maybe the difference is that not everyone was in that tower while we were fighting.
out of sight, out of mind
but people see a little blood in front of them and suddenly it gets too real for them.
suddenly their hands are shaking because that's really when reality kicks in.
feeling like now it's on them if anyone gets hurt, no matter who it is.
some people still don't get that the only way we actually get this thing done is for people like you and me to do what we do.
out of sight, out of mind
but people see a little blood in front of them and suddenly it gets too real for them.
suddenly their hands are shaking because that's really when reality kicks in.
feeling like now it's on them if anyone gets hurt, no matter who it is.
some people still don't get that the only way we actually get this thing done is for people like you and me to do what we do.
Doesn't change the fact that we all know what the Bouldersnakes did to that town, saw the proof they were willing to do it again, and some still decided killing them in a fight they brought to us was too far.
Not everyone is made for that kind of fight, but you're right. It doesn't mean it isn't necessary. Pretending we can all get out of this without bloodshed in a situation like Scorpion's Bend is naïve. In an ideal world, you can fight things like the Bouldersnakes without killing, but ideal worlds don't exist.
They're just gonna move on to the next town and do it all over again.
Not everyone is made for that kind of fight, but you're right. It doesn't mean it isn't necessary. Pretending we can all get out of this without bloodshed in a situation like Scorpion's Bend is naïve. In an ideal world, you can fight things like the Bouldersnakes without killing, but ideal worlds don't exist.
They're just gonna move on to the next town and do it all over again.
[ it seems such a funny thing to ask, now after everything. after the whole truth has come out, and yet she stands here still, gripping the pen tight in her hand because his own hands have grown too used to letting go. doesn't that scream her answer loud enough?
but maybe that's not the point here. maybe he's asking not because her answer isn't clear, but because he'd never had the chance to ask before. that people already left, before he could even form the words.
so maybe, right now, it's more important what he wants. what he still gets to decide.
to know that, despite everything, there are still some things he can control. ]
It's your story, Takeshi.
[ there are some people he gets to ask to stay. ]
Are you asking me to be?
but maybe that's not the point here. maybe he's asking not because her answer isn't clear, but because he'd never had the chance to ask before. that people already left, before he could even form the words.
so maybe, right now, it's more important what he wants. what he still gets to decide.
to know that, despite everything, there are still some things he can control. ]
It's your story, Takeshi.
[ there are some people he gets to ask to stay. ]
Are you asking me to be?
[some time after the communications between the two worlds open.]
Are you alright on the other side?
You were right when we spoke in Scorpion's Bend some places we visit may not be redeemable. It is beginning to sound like that may be the case between these two worlds.
Are you alright on the other side?
You were right when we spoke in Scorpion's Bend some places we visit may not be redeemable. It is beginning to sound like that may be the case between these two worlds.
Please get this message —
[ There's a moment's pause in which the Doctor is thinking very much to send this message across. And it doesn't get met with static in return, so.
So! ]
Ah. Yes. I think that's gone through. Has it gone through? [ There's a face all up in the screen, all chin and forehead and a hand waving. ] Hello? Kovacs?
[ There's a moment's pause in which the Doctor is thinking very much to send this message across. And it doesn't get met with static in return, so.
So! ]
Ah. Yes. I think that's gone through. Has it gone through? [ There's a face all up in the screen, all chin and forehead and a hand waving. ] Hello? Kovacs?
Hey, you're okay.
[ it's honestly been a relief, checking in with those he hasn't heard from in a few weeks, that nagging worry easing a bit with each new call. ]
I don't think there's much we can do about this war. Not exactly our war to fight either.
[ it's honestly been a relief, checking in with those he hasn't heard from in a few weeks, that nagging worry easing a bit with each new call. ]
I don't think there's much we can do about this war. Not exactly our war to fight either.
[ there's a number of people he should probably get in touch with, but before he even gets the chance, one of them pops ups right in his sight on the screen, all nose, all chin, all forehead (still no eyebrows). ]
Jesus — [ could use a better warning next time. ] Guess you're still in one piece, Doc.
[ so is he, even if ... the face on his side is technically different. ]
Jesus — [ could use a better warning next time. ] Guess you're still in one piece, Doc.
[ so is he, even if ... the face on his side is technically different. ]
It's me.
[ he spent most of the first few days in taeum having to convince the local half of the team here that it's his face. just when he'd started to get used to it, now he's remembered he has to do the same with the other half. ]
Don't really know the how of it, but — this body's mine. My original face. No swaps, no loans. Found myself in it the moment we landed.
[ he spent most of the first few days in taeum having to convince the local half of the team here that it's his face. just when he'd started to get used to it, now he's remembered he has to do the same with the other half. ]
Don't really know the how of it, but — this body's mine. My original face. No swaps, no loans. Found myself in it the moment we landed.
Oh, well, that's brilliant — and you say you don't know how. Has this happened to just you? Or are there others with different faces up there?
[ He's pondering what it might be like if he were in Taeum and not Sedorum, though he's been pondering that one on and off for days now. ]
Even with my first face, I'd like to think I've had some improvements over the years.
[ Not that that's important right now. ]
Right! Well, you look good. I like the hair.
[ And everything else, honestly, but he's been told saying as much is a bit weird. ]
[ He's pondering what it might be like if he were in Taeum and not Sedorum, though he's been pondering that one on and off for days now. ]
Even with my first face, I'd like to think I've had some improvements over the years.
[ Not that that's important right now. ]
Right! Well, you look good. I like the hair.
[ And everything else, honestly, but he's been told saying as much is a bit weird. ]
Yeah, I guess I ended up downgrading with the dumb, pretty boy look.
[ a joke, of course. no offense to ryker's body. still, nothing compares to being in his own skin. truthfully, it's been a nice change. ]
No different faces, but — healed scars, cleaner looks. I think it has to do with the expectations of this place. Creating a picture perfect afterlife.
[ it's sickening, really. ]
Guessing that's not the case where you're at.
[ a joke, of course. no offense to ryker's body. still, nothing compares to being in his own skin. truthfully, it's been a nice change. ]
No different faces, but — healed scars, cleaner looks. I think it has to do with the expectations of this place. Creating a picture perfect afterlife.
[ it's sickening, really. ]
Guessing that's not the case where you're at.
[ ah, shit. he already forgot. it'd taken some time getting used to being in his own skin again, explaining to the others here in taeum that it was him. he'd forgotten he'd have to do the same for those on the other side. ]
Ah, yeah, it's — [ he purses his lips, rubbing a hand over his cheek. ] It's me. It's Kovacs. Kind of a long story, but this is my ... I guess, my real face. Real me. Body I was born in.
Ah, yeah, it's — [ he purses his lips, rubbing a hand over his cheek. ] It's me. It's Kovacs. Kind of a long story, but this is my ... I guess, my real face. Real me. Body I was born in.
[ first contact happens, of course, completely by accident. it's par for the course for them, the universe's favorite pair of playthings. after everything, and after this long, shouldn't it be some grand, epic thing? something stories are born out of, something worth remembering?
marta will remember this moment, alright. but for all the wrong reasons. ]
—back on?
That means he—
Oh no.
marta will remember this moment, alright. but for all the wrong reasons. ]
—back on?
That means he—
Oh no.
[ when hermann sends out the announcement about the comms being back on, kovacs' attention on it only holds for so long before he's met with a sudden influx of messages. his mind zeroes in on hers first and foremost, old audios that had come in sometime scattered in the past several weeks. he listens to each, feeling the clenching grip in his chest in hearing her voice, in the confirmation that she really had made it through on the other side.
the last audio is ... a lot of things. but it's cut by the text that appears in front of him, fresh from this very moment. he doesn't waste a second before he's reaching out, bypassing the texting altogether. ]
Marta ... ? Marta, you there? You — you hear me?
the last audio is ... a lot of things. but it's cut by the text that appears in front of him, fresh from this very moment. he doesn't waste a second before he's reaching out, bypassing the texting altogether. ]
Marta ... ? Marta, you there? You — you hear me?
[ the words get sent out before she could think to hold them back, making for perhaps the worst sort of reunion. but as flustered and frazzled as she is, hearing respond instead of that awful static proves a quick balm to the burn of embarrassment.
it's the sound of his voice that reminds her of the last message he'd sent, drawing her back to just moments prior when she'd finally gotten them all. recalling the worry in his texts, the growing urgency there, to finally that long voice message. a voice she doesn't know, spoken in a warmth she's grown to yearn for.
it's the urgency in his tone that brings her back to the present. ]
I'm here. [ her voice is a soft rasp, wrapped up in bewildered relief. there's soon a thickness to her words, giving the impression of wide, watery eyes. ] Takeshi... I'm here. I hear you.
it's the sound of his voice that reminds her of the last message he'd sent, drawing her back to just moments prior when she'd finally gotten them all. recalling the worry in his texts, the growing urgency there, to finally that long voice message. a voice she doesn't know, spoken in a warmth she's grown to yearn for.
it's the urgency in his tone that brings her back to the present. ]
I'm here. [ her voice is a soft rasp, wrapped up in bewildered relief. there's soon a thickness to her words, giving the impression of wide, watery eyes. ] Takeshi... I'm here. I hear you.
[ the sound of her voice brings about an instant exhaled breath, relief shaking in his skin as he closes his eyes and takes it in. how long did they spend in scorpion's bend side by side with one another, getting him used to her presence always there, always filling the space?
the last few weeks weren't any different from what he's used to, of people leaving and disappearing, of getting used to someone simply not being there anymore. but it doesn't mean he hasn't missed her, hasn't felt the difference when she isn't there.]
Good. [ he'd probably be reaching for her now, if he could, tucking back her hair and looking her over, making sure she isn't hurt. ] Are you safe?
the last few weeks weren't any different from what he's used to, of people leaving and disappearing, of getting used to someone simply not being there anymore. but it doesn't mean he hasn't missed her, hasn't felt the difference when she isn't there.]
Good. [ he'd probably be reaching for her now, if he could, tucking back her hair and looking her over, making sure she isn't hurt. ] Are you safe?
I am.
[ as safe as one can be, in a place like sedorum, but she opts not to make mention of something that would only needlessly worry him. selfishly, she wants to hold onto that relief in his voice for just a little while longer. ]
What about you? You... [ while she doubts this planet's version of heaven could be troubling, she recalls what his message had told her, how different he sounds now. after so long... certainly it would have been unsettling. ] Has it gotten any easier?
[ as safe as one can be, in a place like sedorum, but she opts not to make mention of something that would only needlessly worry him. selfishly, she wants to hold onto that relief in his voice for just a little while longer. ]
What about you? You... [ while she doubts this planet's version of heaven could be troubling, she recalls what his message had told her, how different he sounds now. after so long... certainly it would have been unsettling. ] Has it gotten any easier?
That's ... the short of it.
[ it's more complicated than that, but he's not sure how much it matters to get into the full details about sleeves and stacks right now. not when there's more pressing matters. ]
In my world, you don't have to die to get put into a different body, but — let's just say the one you normally see me in is more of a loan. This what I started with.
[ it's more complicated than that, but he's not sure how much it matters to get into the full details about sleeves and stacks right now. not when there's more pressing matters. ]
In my world, you don't have to die to get put into a different body, but — let's just say the one you normally see me in is more of a loan. This what I started with.
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